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I grew up in a small town called Jefferson Ohio; this is where many of my childhood memories came from, even though throughout my childhood I moved almost every year. My earliest memory is from five years old, it was November 15th 1989 and I can remember my Grandparents telling me something had happened to my father. I later learned the true tragedy of this night, my father had came home, loaded a pistol and took his life. I later learned the struggles that my father had in his life, alcohol and drugs played a large role in his destruction. As a child I promised myself that I would never live that kind of a lifestyle.
Growing up with my mother was hard; she was young and constantly moving from place to place trying to run from past problems. I think we must have moved more than twenty times throughout my childhood. I can remember many nights going without heat and even food sometimes, these were not the brightest days.
On weekends I would always go spend time with my Grandparents, this was really where I considered my home to be. I felt more love and acceptance with them than anywhere else in my life. My Grandfather was a great man and tried to play the role of my father, however my heart had already grown cold, and even as a young boy I shut him out of my heart.
I began to rebel at school and to all authority in my life. Middle school was filled with suspensions and expulsions. When I got to high school I started to buckle down and try, this worked for a while until I got involved with the wrong crowd and found my true love, alcohol and drugs. Even though I had promised myself to never do these things, I found myself loving the high that they provided. Things began to slip out of control, I dropped out of school, left my Grandparents house where I was staying at the time, and at only sixteen years old started to live my own life of destruction. This is the point where my life went completely out of control; I was headed straight towards the grave and then my final resting place, hell.
I need you to understand that it's only by the Grace of God through Jesus Christ that I am alive to type this message. My life of insanity finally caught up with me in my younger adult years. Five years ago from today I wanted to die; I had no reason to be alive. I was addicted to almost every drug with the exception of drugs that were injected. My drug of choice was (more) I never cared what drug I was doing as long as I could get more. I spent many nights overdosed as I felt the life slipping away from me. I even prayed a few times for God to save me, but after waking up in the morning I never realized what I had really prayed.
My heart was filled with pain, anger, hate, rage, and every kind of evil thought and intention. I often prayed to Satan and worshiped him through methods of communicating with the dead and evil spirits.
During times of heavy intoxication I would begin to cry as I realized that something was missing. Sometimes at night I would lay down and begin to cry, not that there was anything wrong at the moment, just sadness and complete misery in my life. I wanted to be loved, and accepted. I wanted more than anything to have someone love me, someone to look into my eyes with that special look, that look that says " I love you " I could come close to finding this kind of love, but never was it enough to fill the hole in my soul. So I continued to hide in my life of darkness, I was wearing a mask for most of my life, trying my best to cover up all my shortcomings.
My life continued to get more insane, the drug addictions had guided me into a drug salesman by trade, this way I could make profit and do drugs. My life of crime soon caught up with me. I was charged with a Dui in the state of Ohio. I decided to skip court so I could continue in my life of self destruction. Another arrest came soon after in Pa. This time the charges were drug related. Somehow I still managed to get out on bond and again skip court, now I was a fugitive in two states. I managed to run for a long time but the stress of always being paranoid was tearing me down. Soon enough cops came into the house I was staying at and took me away. I asked God to help me in that jail. But as soon as I got out I was back to my old self, only this time my ego had grown ten times stronger. I again got arrested and was facing seven years of state prison. This time I was an animal locked in a cage. I had nowhere to run or hide; there was no way to slip through the cracks on this one. With thoughts of murder and suicide running through my brain I soon realized that Jesus Christ was my only hope. I broke down one night and asked him into my heart. I remember sleeping with the Bible and praying for most of the night as my wounded soul was slowly being healed. God sent a Pastor to the jail to guide me into the truth of salvation. When I walked into the room with this Pastor I instantly broke down crying because I knew he was from God. At the time I had no idea he was a Pastor. He invited me to the Jefferson Church of the Nazarene where he was the Youth Pastor. As soon as I got out of jail I went into that Church. I could feel God tugging at my heart every Sunday, but I was not ready and I ignored God as much as I could. I got to the point of complete surrender and went up front in the Church; I kneeled down and gave it ALL AWAY!! Christ took me from the depths of hell!! He gave me a new life!! No longer was I a satanic drug addict, I was His child that He loved with endless love. That hole in my wounded soul had been filled. The part of my heart that never was complete was now finished. Although it is easy to say that I gave my life to Christ, or that I made a decision for Him, I realize today that my salvation was based off a complete work of God. There really was nothing that I did to be saved, but God in His grace and mercy convicted me, called me, brought me to Jesus Christ, and covered me with His Blood and Salvation.
I wish I could tell you that I never struggled after the day of my salvation but to be honest with you that was the day that my spiritual battle really began. When I received my calling and realized how many people God wanted me to reach it seemed as if the devil came after me full strength. Three years ago the battle got to me. I fell into a deep depression and felt more alone then ever before. I backslid into sin and God allowed me to see the destruction of my past life all over again. One sad night I woke up in a pool of my own blood, I had just been through a near fatal crash at over 150mph. I looked down at my arm and realized it was almost cut in half. I had lost so much blood that I could hardly move anymore. My vision started to grow dark and my harsh reality set in, once again I was dying, once again I realized the price of sin. I called out to Jesus Christ; I asked that he spare my life and do a miracle again. Everyone around the accident thought I was going to die. At that moment I felt the Lord close to me, I knew I was going to live, I knew that He was going to do a miracle! During the life flight everything changed, I went from near death to stable condition. I really did experience a miracle that night and I was released from the hospital the same day.
After being through so much I know that God has called me to preach his Word and to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ. My main calling is Evangelism, and more specifically a traveling Evangelist. I am currently fulfilling my calling through a Christian rap music Ministry that reaches out to teens that are just like I used to be. I am also looking forward to completing my degree in Pastoral ministries at Nazarene Bible College online.
This section has only been a brief summary of my life; I could not possibly remember or reflect on everything that has happened to me. Jesus Christ has the power to change anyone!! I am here to testify to the power that God has to change lives!! There is no situation or storm in your life that is bigger than God. Living for our selfish desires only brings pain and misery.
Thank you for getting to know me.
(Kevin Beebe passed away Sunday March 6, 2011. God took him home.)
Please visit these few sites:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AMyq7HmGtc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7OOIDOSXX0&feature=player_embedded
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vi8MbkYvzmw
